That is all.

In all seriousness though, I would like a brownie. It seems I have three options.

1. Don’t eat a brownie. Just write about wanting one (a sorry substitute).
2. Eat a single brownie, enjoy it and then write about it.
3. Save it for Sunday or a designated “cheat” or “free day.”

Option 3 (because I feel like going in reverse order)

Historically, I would have gone with Option 3. Wait. Deny myself every sweet or savory treat, and then pig out on Sunday. It’s worked for me in terms of weight loss, but something about this isn’t working for me anymore.

Problem 1: The “free day” mentality does nothing to help me in my quest for balance. It perpetuates the “all or nothing” mindset that I’ve always battled. This leads to excessive eating on my free day – even when I’m already stuffed. I have to satisfy every craving in a 12-hour time period.

Problem 2: It makes me feel physically terrible. I’m so full that I feel nauseated, and I’m up with heartburn all night. This leads to feeling tired, dehydrated and bloated on Monday morning. Why would I do that to myself?

Problem 3: It gives me completely unnecessary anxiety. For example, if I’m getting together with friends on Friday and make that my “free day,” I want to be in control of where I eat because I only have that one day to fulfill my cravings. While I certainly won’t tell them that, in my head, I kind of panic. How absurd is that?! I’ll answer for you. Incredibly absurd!

If you’ve never had a weight issue, it’s probably hard to fully grasp this mentality. If you have had weight issues, I’d bet my bank account that you’ve toyed with the idea of a free day.

So why has Option 3 been so appealing to me? After writing this, it’s hard to find a valid reason as to why I would ever choose to make myself feel ill. I think the main reason is that I know it won’t make me gain weight. In fact, if I’m really disciplined throughout the week, I’ll still lose weight. There’s comfort in that for me. I know that I can get away with having pizza…and ice cream…and a cupcake…

As I wrote that last sentence I had an epiphany. Option 3 is solely motivated by vanity. It’s never “healthy” to eat to the point of feeling sick. I do the “free day” thing because I know it won’t make me gain weight, and that’s vanity talking. I’m over the free day people. Vanity is always a bad motive. That applies to pretty much everything, in fact.                       

Option 1 (because I feel like keeping you on your toes) 

I’ll keep this short. Option 1 leads to Option 3. I know, because I do it. Also, I want a brownie.

Option 2

WE HAVE A WINNER! I actually don’t think you should indulge whenever you want. That’s not what I’m advocating. The truth is, I almost never want a brownie. I’m pretty well satisfied after dinner. I get up early, so by the time I’m done with dinner I only have about two hours before I go to bed. This leaves little room for night cravings (not intentionally, just factually). To get to why this is probably the best option, let’s look at what I’ve eaten today.

Breakfast: A banana and a solid handful of tree nuts
Lunch: Leftovers from a cajun-spiced veggie and chicken dinner I made the night before
Afternoon Snack: An Apple
Dinner: Spiced, baked chicken thighs over Brussels sprouts roasted in garlic and shallots (Don’t feel sorry for me. I LOVE Brussels sprouts. I would choose them even when not trying to be healthy.)

I ate today what I felt like eating (after having some stomach issues earlier on in the day). Looking back, there’s probably plenty of room for a small brownie in terms of calories. It wouldn’t undo the good eating I’d done throughout the day. My body is still enjoying the potassium from the banana, the healthy fats from the nuts, the protein from the chicken and the vitamins (among other things) from all the veggies and fruit I had.

I’m beginning to think that maybe having a small brownie is actually a more health-conscious decision than having three on Sunday (or whatever day you choose). Maybe allowing myself a small treat a few nights a week will help break me of the unhealthy “free day” mentality.

With all that said, I’m going with Option 1.5. This post took way too long to write, it’s now past my bedtime and I’m too lazy to go up the stairs to grab a brownie.

One final note: I’m not a dietitian. Obviously. This is not meant as advice, but rather a stream of consciousness intended to help me work through some destructive tendencies.

One more final note: You can never get these three seconds back.