Month: April 2016

Your kids see right through you.

Of all the offensive, ignorant comments people make regarding weight, nothing offends me more than a parent who thinks they can encourage their child to lose weight “subtly.”

I’ve stated many times that I have no intention of offering advice I’m not qualified to give. However, I have been the chubby sibling, and I’ve witnessed many kids questioning their worth at astonishingly young ages because of their parents’ “subtly helping them.”  So, if you’ll pardon this one (for now) exception, I’d like to address parents.

Don’t – give less food or less dessert to the child you think needs to lose weight. I know, you’re thinking, “I’m smarter than that, I’m subtle.” No you’re not.

Kids are mean to other kids. Trust me. Chances are your child likely knows their body is different. I can remember looking to see if my mom gave me less ice cream than my siblings at 10 years old. If my scoop seemed smaller, I feared it was validation that those mean kids were right. Something about me was wrong. 

Don’t have a strict dessert policy for one kid and not the other…even privately. Growing up, I had friend who was a hair plumper than her brother. Her mom claimed to have a strict, “one cookie after dinner” rule. When my friend was out of sight, her little brother would often ask for a second cookie and get one. If she asked for a second cookie her parents would say, “You know the rules.”

Siblings talk, especially about their parents. Her brother had no intention of hurting her, but when he excitedly exclaimed that he got a second cookie, the damage was done. This told my friend, ever so subtly, that because of her weight she was not worthy of the same treatment her brother received. It didn’t matter that she had great grades and was an all around wonderful kid. She wasn’t thin, so that made her less worthy of reward. She then started equating being thin with being deserving and worthy.

Don’t try to be your child’s weight-loss buddy. “Let’s lose weight together. It will be fun!” Don’t kid yourself into thinking this is leading by example. They’ll see right through this. They know you’re telling them that they need to change. In addition, encouraging a child to diet or exercise for weight loss is a breeding ground for eating disorders. Just don’t mention weight. Not yours. Not theirs.

Don’t EVER project how you feel about your body onto your kids. If your child is a happy, healthy, well-adjusted person, who cares if they look different from their siblings? They don’t need to be worried about their weight at age 10. Mothers do this to their daughters all the time. If you’re self conscious about your weight, don’t assume your child is. Do not make your issue your child’s issue. Check yourself on this daily.

Do lead by example, but not an artificial “be my walking buddy” example. You should go for family walks and bike rides — because they’re fun! If you want to count off the calories you’re burning in your mind, be my guest, but let your kids just enjoy moving.

Do encourage healthy eating habits, but don’t go out of your way to emphasize it. Just eat well. Cook for your family. Make balanced dinners. If once a week your family goes out for ice cream, let all of your kids enjoy it.

Do become a safe place for your child. If your child is made fun of for their weight, they already feel uncomfortable eating around people. They need a place where they don’t equate food with shame. Be the place where your child feels comfortable eating a healthy meal with their family.

Do teach your children that their bodies are fearfully and wonderfully made. Encourage them to dance, play sports and ride their bikes – not because they need to be thinner – but because it’s remarkable what the human body can do!

One parting thought…

I lost 105 pounds when I was at a pretty happy, confident place. Healthy habits never grow out of self-doubt and misery. If you create a place where your kids can thrive, chances are, any weight issues will work themselves out. And, if your child forever has 10 extra pounds on them but is healthy as a horse, does it really matter anyway?

I seriously want a brownie.

That is all.

In all seriousness though, I would like a brownie. It seems I have three options.

  1. Don’t eat a brownie. Just write about wanting one (a sorry substitute).
  2. Eat a single brownie, enjoy it and then write about it.
  3. Save it for Sunday or a designated “cheat” or “free day.”

Option 3 (because I feel like going in reverse order)

Historically, I would have gone with Option 3. Wait. Deny myself every sweet or savory treat, and then pig out on Sunday. It’s worked for me in terms of weight loss, but something about this isn’t working for me anymore.

Problem 1: The “free day” mentality does nothing to help me in my quest for balance. It perpetuates the “all or nothing” mindset that I’ve always battled. This leads to excessive eating on my free day – even when I’m already stuffed. I have to satisfy every craving in a 12-hour time period.

Problem 2: It makes me feel physically terrible. I’m so full that I feel nauseated, and I’m up with heartburn all night. This leads to feeling tired, dehydrated and bloated on Monday morning. Why would I do that to myself?

Problem 3: It gives me completely unnecessary anxiety. For example, if I’m getting together with friends on Friday and make that my “free day,” I want to be in control of where I eat because I only have that one day to fulfill my cravings. While I certainly won’t tell them that, in my head, I kind of panic. How absurd is that?! I’ll answer for you. Incredibly absurd!

If you’ve never had a weight issue, it’s probably hard to fully grasp this mentality. If you have had weight issues, I’d bet my bank account that you’ve toyed with the idea of a free day.

So why has Option 3 been so appealing to me? After writing this, it’s hard to find a valid reason as to why I would ever choose to make myself feel ill. I think the main reason is that I know it won’t make me gain weight. In fact, if I’m really disciplined throughout the week, I’ll still lose weight. There’s comfort in that for me. I know that I can get away with having pizza…and ice cream…and a cupcake…

As I wrote that last sentence I had an epiphany. Option 3 is solely motivated by vanity. It’s never “healthy” to eat to the point of feeling sick. I do the “free day” thing because I know it won’t make me gain weight, and that’s vanity talking. I’m over the free day people. Vanity is always a bad motive. That applies to pretty much everything, in fact.                       

Option 1 (because I feel like keeping you on your toes) 

I’ll keep this short. Option 1 leads to Option 3. I know, because I do it. Also, I want a brownie.

Option 2

WE HAVE A WINNER! I actually don’t think you should indulge whenever you want. That’s not what I’m advocating. The truth is, I almost never want a brownie. I’m pretty well satisfied after dinner. I get up early, so by the time I’m done with dinner I only have about two hours before I go to bed. This leaves little room for night cravings (not intentionally, just factually). To get to why this is probably the best option, let’s look at what I’ve eaten today.

Breakfast: A banana and a solid handful of tree nuts
Lunch: Leftovers from a cajun-spiced veggie and chicken dinner I made the night before
Afternoon Snack: An Apple
Dinner: Spiced, baked chicken thighs over Brussels sprouts roasted in garlic and shallots (Don’t feel sorry for me. I LOVE Brussels sprouts. I would choose them even when not trying to be healthy.)

I ate today what I felt like eating (after having some stomach issues earlier on in the day). Looking back, there’s probably plenty of room for a small brownie in terms of calories. It wouldn’t undo the good eating I’d done throughout the day. My body is still enjoying the potassium from the banana, the healthy fats from the nuts, the protein from the chicken and the vitamins (among other things) from all the veggies and fruit I had.

I’m beginning to think that maybe having a small brownie is actually a more health-conscious decision than having three on Sunday (or whatever day you choose). Maybe allowing myself a small treat a few nights a week will help break me of the unhealthy “free day” mentality.

With all that said, I’m going with Option 1.5. This post took way too long to write, it’s now past my bedtime and I’m too lazy to go up the stairs to grab a brownie.

One final note: I’m not a dietitian. Obviously. This is not meant as advice, but rather a stream of consciousness intended to help me work through some destructive tendencies.

One more final note: You can never get these three seconds back.

I’m statistically doomed.

I’m statistically doomed.

I’m statistically doomed. It’s true. That’s what every headline says. I’ve lost an abundance of adipose tissue (obviously tryin’ to sound smart here for you people), and according to just about every study out there, I have a less than 5 percent chance of keeping it off for three or more years.

When I see that statistic, I feel defeated. Despite my previously stated Millennial tendency to think I’m special, that’s a staggering number. What makes me different than 95 percent of people?

Confession time.

I’ve already been in the 95 percent. Twice. As a toddler, I was hospitalized for more than a week after having my first asthma attack. My small body was pumped full of steroids. I went into the hospital a petite 3 year old and came out  a puffy, Prednisone-filled kid with an insatiable appetite. From then on I was teased by other children about my weight. By age 10, I was a member of the group Taking Off Pounds Successfully (TOPS). By 11, I was a calorie counting wizard (still am…). And, after being constantly being told how great I was looking, at 13 I was exercising obsessively. At 15, I stopped eating breakfast and lunch. I “saved” all of my calories for dinner. I kept that weight off from about 11 to 19. Then, at 19, I realized I was really tired of being hungry. In addition, working part-time and taking college classes kept me from working out the three hours a day my body was used to. What I had been doing for years wasn’t sustainable. I was burned out. So, I gained weight. It’s a common tale. At 21, I lost the 50 pounds I had gained going from a 10 to a 4. I gained that back and then some. Before my wedding, I literally starved myself for a little over a month to lose 35 pounds…and then gained that back. With each gain I had more to lose the next time around. I’m frustratingly unoriginal.

So why is this time different?

Ulterior Motives 

When I’m haunted by these thoughts, and I am haunted by them, I remind myself that I had some very tangible motives this time around. In the past, I would lose weight for nothing  but the sake of vanity. I was chasing the ever-illusive idea of physical perfection.

While vanity is always a significant part of weight loss (I don’t care what anyone says), it wasn’t my only motivation. The reason I began exercising in the first place was because my blood pressure had skyrocketed, I suffered from constant heartburn and I could barely clean my house without my feet hurting to the point of tears; all of this at 26.

So, I sat down with my doctor and asked,”Of all the things that are bothering me, what will get better if I lose weight?” He told me I would likely always have asthma, but every other prescription I was on could be eliminated. No more high blood pressure, no more foot pain and no more heartburn. With that, I was a determined woman. I told him I wouldn’t need blood pressure medicine because I intended to control it myself. He was skeptical. I’m sure he’s heard that a million times before, but he clearly didn’t realize I was special. 😉

The doctor was right. After losing 40 pounds, my blood pressure was down. (The picture here is of my blood pressure reading last night. 115/74 with a resting heart rate of 62). It took another 40 pound loss for the heartburn to stop, but it did. The only prescriptions I now take are my inhalers.

In addition to all of the above reasons, diabetes runs in my family – as does a hereditary brain disease. Now, genetics can impact you no matter what you do. I accept that I may not be able to control these things, but I plan to do all I can. I’m continually reading about the impact of cardio on cognitive decline, and I’m hopeful that regular exercise could help delay the onset of this disease that plagues my family. Again, it may not, but I know one thing for sure; regular exercise can’t hurt me. It can only help.

There were also people in my life who really helped me see what healthy living actually looks like, and I plan to discuss that in a future post.

As I said in my first post, I’m not pretending to have found this balance with diet and exercise. I do know, however, that vanity isn’t enough to truly change you. Something real has to keep that drive going. When I’m afraid of falling back into the 95 percent, I remind myself of all that’s at stake for my health.

It’s a new way of looking at things. Physical perfection is in the eye of the beholder. A blood pressure reading is not.

I guess we’ll call it…my “whatever.”

I guess we’ll call it…my “whatever.”

I hate the word “journey.” It’s painstakingly overused, cliche and most often appears in sentences as a justification for bad behavior. “I have no regrets. It was all part of the journey that got me to where I am today.”

Now that we’ve gotten that out the way, I’ve contemplated writing about my “whatever” for some time now. Don’t worry, I’m not another Millennial who thinks they’re special and has a license to dole out advice at the ripe old age of 28. (Well, maybe I’m special, but that’s not what this is about. ;- ) This word-filled page exists for a far more melancholy reason.

In the past year and a half-ish, I’ve lost 115 pounds and counting. (If that doesn’t scream “TLC Show” I don’t know what does.) I’m not proud of this accomplishment. In fact, more than anything, I’m embarrassed that I had that much weight to lose. I don’t know that I’ll ever post a “before and after.” (Maybe, but only if this writing thing helps me become more self actualized.) I’ll never brag or give out diet advice like the failed businessman telling you how you should now grow your stable business because he’s “learned so much on his journey.”

I’m writing because I haven’t figured anything out at all. I find my weight, food intake and need to exercise occupies my mind far more than I want it to – and certainly far more than it did 100 pounds ago.

I’ve been told countless times over the years that writing can be therapeutic. As someone who actually gets paid to write for a living, you’d think I’d have penned pages of pain-filled journals. The truth is, I’ve never been able to write about personal matters. I’ve tried numerous times, but each time I find myself editing my emotions. (You know, just in case my journal is published someday…since I’m so special.) It’s never been therapeutic for me.

As my “whatever” continues, I’ve been wanting to sit down and write about it. When the desire presents itself, I try to listen. I can’t promise that I’ll keep up with it, or that it will always be about weight loss (I have MANY opinions). For today though, this is what I want to write about.

Since this introduction has grown quite lengthy, I’ll end with this. In addition to helping myself sort through the psychological minefield that is losing the equivalent of a small adult, I hope that in sharing my thoughts and experiences I can influence how people (the two that read this) respond to someone who is overweight or dieting in their lives. You can do so much good and so much damage.

P.S. I’ll probably write about politics too (sorry not sorry).